Everytime I try and convince myself that I will never write in this blog again, months later I find myself back here. See that's the thing, time goes past but nothing really changes. My mind will never change, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try.
Things have got really bad lately, my mum passed away in the middle of May and everything else seems to be falling apart. I just want to isolate myself from it all, I need to take back control. In a time that everything feels so uncertain and horrible I just want to focus on me and myself, my life.
Some people at times of sadness and desperation turn to god and religion, I turn to Ana. She tells me how to sort myself out, how to be ok. It's not even that I need telling, I know what I need to do. I need to feel the pain of hunger, I need to be rid of the fat that is stopping me from being happy.
I want to be happy.
That's all I want
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
UGh
I am really getting rather sick of work at the moment. I am sick of seeing my colleagues who are apparently on diets sitting opposite me eating cupcakes, biscuits, sweets and talking about food constantly. It actually makes me feel a bit ill.
Hearing about Valentines plans as well is getting right on my nerves. I really don't care what my colleagues and their partners are up to tonight but for some reason I keep being told. It is a normal Tuesday, we are at work as normal.... it is commercial rubbish with the true meaning completely lost. I want to be treated nice all the time, not receive lavish gifts on certain days of the year.
Sometimes I do wonder if I'm completely sane and the whole world is just bonkers or whether it truly is just me that's crazy? Answers on a postcard.
Hearing about Valentines plans as well is getting right on my nerves. I really don't care what my colleagues and their partners are up to tonight but for some reason I keep being told. It is a normal Tuesday, we are at work as normal.... it is commercial rubbish with the true meaning completely lost. I want to be treated nice all the time, not receive lavish gifts on certain days of the year.
Sometimes I do wonder if I'm completely sane and the whole world is just bonkers or whether it truly is just me that's crazy? Answers on a postcard.
Confused
Hi Errbody,
Last night I had a couple of bowls of cornflakes for dinner. I think I might go back to my cornflake diet, 1 bowl for lunch (if at all) and 2 small childs bowls for dinner. I bloody LOVE cornflakes! I need to start exercising more though, will be doing Zumba on the Wii this evening and might go out for a walk for like 30 mins-1hour. I can't decide what to have for lunch today, I might be naughty and have 1 bowl of cornflakes at my desk. I'm not sure if I am even hungry anymore though? Maybe I'm just thirsty again.
I am really trying hard to resist the temptation to find my scales so I can weigh myself everyday. It's driving me a bit mad not knowing my progress until the week is up. Saying that the theory is a weekly reading will be more accurate and impressive. I'm keeping all the printouts for reference.
I just want to go home right now, I don't like being at work and feeling constantly judged. The minute someone finds out your on a diet they start getting involved and asking questions. It's really quite ridiculous. Just because I'm not stuffing my face doesn't mean I'm starving myself.
Ugh :(
Last night I had a couple of bowls of cornflakes for dinner. I think I might go back to my cornflake diet, 1 bowl for lunch (if at all) and 2 small childs bowls for dinner. I bloody LOVE cornflakes! I need to start exercising more though, will be doing Zumba on the Wii this evening and might go out for a walk for like 30 mins-1hour. I can't decide what to have for lunch today, I might be naughty and have 1 bowl of cornflakes at my desk. I'm not sure if I am even hungry anymore though? Maybe I'm just thirsty again.
I am really trying hard to resist the temptation to find my scales so I can weigh myself everyday. It's driving me a bit mad not knowing my progress until the week is up. Saying that the theory is a weekly reading will be more accurate and impressive. I'm keeping all the printouts for reference.
I just want to go home right now, I don't like being at work and feeling constantly judged. The minute someone finds out your on a diet they start getting involved and asking questions. It's really quite ridiculous. Just because I'm not stuffing my face doesn't mean I'm starving myself.
Ugh :(
Monday, 13 February 2012
The Wanderer Returns
Hello,
What a difference a year makes. Life has changed somewhat, C is out of the picture which breaks my heart just a little bit, in a different job for a different company....... I have been eating well (a little too well) since March 2011 ish..... weight has gone straight back up again. :(
I am going on holiday to Iceland in a few weeks time, majorly excited about it too. Will post some pictures on here once I get back! This weekend we are going to get our currency changed up :D.
I promised myself that I would never write in this blog again as it brings back some bad memories but as it seems I have given in. It tears me apart to read my old posts and think about all the hard work that I have put to waste last year by over eating. I have been on a diet for the past week and lost 6 pounds (just slightly cutting back and no snacking) I haven't been weighing myself daily either and instead weekly I will go to Boots and get a print out so I have a hard copy record of my progress.
I think I need to start devising a weekly menu though, I don't like the thought of not knowing what I am going to have to eat each day and the calorie content. Maybe I will even post it on here again. For lunch today I am going to walk for the whole hour and just drink water, I've already drunk so many cups today. I'm gutted I forgot to take my diet pills this morning.
I better go anyway, I am supposed to be working :P.
X
What a difference a year makes. Life has changed somewhat, C is out of the picture which breaks my heart just a little bit, in a different job for a different company....... I have been eating well (a little too well) since March 2011 ish..... weight has gone straight back up again. :(
I am going on holiday to Iceland in a few weeks time, majorly excited about it too. Will post some pictures on here once I get back! This weekend we are going to get our currency changed up :D.
I promised myself that I would never write in this blog again as it brings back some bad memories but as it seems I have given in. It tears me apart to read my old posts and think about all the hard work that I have put to waste last year by over eating. I have been on a diet for the past week and lost 6 pounds (just slightly cutting back and no snacking) I haven't been weighing myself daily either and instead weekly I will go to Boots and get a print out so I have a hard copy record of my progress.
I think I need to start devising a weekly menu though, I don't like the thought of not knowing what I am going to have to eat each day and the calorie content. Maybe I will even post it on here again. For lunch today I am going to walk for the whole hour and just drink water, I've already drunk so many cups today. I'm gutted I forgot to take my diet pills this morning.
I better go anyway, I am supposed to be working :P.
X
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Im back.
Cant believe how long its been since my last post. Ive missed it. Things with me and C sort of hit the skids, messed me up majorly tbh. I will do a post about it soon. Just wanted to let people know im still around X
Friday, 17 December 2010
Sincere apologies
I haven't updated in ages... I have been very sick and not been able to access my pc. Today I am starting to get better... I have tonsilitis atm which sucks. On the upside i'm not at work :)
Interesting piece of news- I am looking into doing a degree with the open university. I really want more qualifications. Im going to do a law degree but it starts feb 2012, so in the meantime I am going to do short courses in psychology and social sciences. I just need to register and put the wheels in motion.
Interesting piece of news- I am looking into doing a degree with the open university. I really want more qualifications. Im going to do a law degree but it starts feb 2012, so in the meantime I am going to do short courses in psychology and social sciences. I just need to register and put the wheels in motion.
Monday, 6 December 2010
yuck
2 bowls of cornflakes
1 packet of prawn cocktail crisps.
feel sick/guilty/fat/ugly and horrible etc etc.
C is coming over tonight. This makes me happy. We are closer than ever atm. Thing is though I like us how we are. I don't think I want a relationship. I just want us to be like this forever. Putting a label on what we have just injects the poison into us.
I just can't wait for all this to be over. When i'm skinny everything will fall into place.
I'm an ordinary girl with an ordinary waist, but ordinary just isn't good enough today.
1 packet of prawn cocktail crisps.
feel sick/guilty/fat/ugly and horrible etc etc.
C is coming over tonight. This makes me happy. We are closer than ever atm. Thing is though I like us how we are. I don't think I want a relationship. I just want us to be like this forever. Putting a label on what we have just injects the poison into us.
I just can't wait for all this to be over. When i'm skinny everything will fall into place.
I'm an ordinary girl with an ordinary waist, but ordinary just isn't good enough today.
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